after the phone call

the best thing of living on your own is that you can return late at night, throw away your shoes and socks, drop yourself in bed with the clothes and cry your heart out with nobody around to disturb this sacred moment of self knowing.

my muse A.

my muse. gorgeous A.

image photoshoped after a project request.

Melfys's depression

“you are pathetic! your petty little life is a fraud! and if you disappear off the face of the earth nobody will actually loose a thing”.
Melfys was depressed for a long time now and a familiar voice inside his head kept muttering these words. so he sniffed some glue till he got high. he bought and ate tones of candy till he threw up. he went to the liquer store and got himself alcohol which he took with sleeping pills till he passed out. thought these would help him out of his misery. but no. each day he woke up more and more wretched. so one day he decided to put an end to all these by jumping off the balcony.

and at this very moment a microscopic flash happened inside his head. a small nerve conjunction seemed to have putted back in function an abandoned part of his brain. and that voice yelled at him “WHAAAT?! bullshits! life is far too great to waste it with all that. snap out of it you fool!”.

Melfys washed himself off the awful smell of abandonment. he got rid of all the poisons in his house. and he went for a walk. as he was walking he was looking at the people around him. observing them. people. full of controversies. able to make him miserable. able to make him happy. how wonderful creatures. how lucky he was around them, breathing, feeling, being… and that voice again.

“you are not too bad! after all you are the first bunny who made it to the human world. and that is something for sure!”

my prints from the exhibition. not good quality but full of personality… eh? ; )

for old time's sake

I am not attending photography class this season and I am sad about it. I have good excuses of course, like my thesis that I have to complete, a new professional beginning that I have to make, blah blah blah. I am only worried that these are excuses after all… anyway. there was a post pending. the one with photos from my photography class’s photo exhibition that held in June 2010. well here it is. some pics from the day before and the preparations and some from the opening day. once again many thanks to my photography teacher George Panos and my fellow students, who made that period of my life interesting and self-knowing. as for my own prints… those who didn’t attend the exhibition will have to wait a little more to see them… just a little ; )

http://www.pkdp.gr/site3/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=26&Itemid=42

one year on the loose...

why drink alone?

I don't give a shit

please don’t get me wrong. I am not angry or jealous or sad or disappointed or mistreated or neglected…

I just don’t give a shit! … at least until the break of dawn. which is in a couple of hours…

open your eyes

“open your eyes! look around you. life is full of shit. the only things that matter is surviving and having a good time. and the only things you can do is taking advantage of anything and anyone and enjoy whatever!”

our world is full of bad people doing bad things.

sometimes we have the means to fight against them. sometimes our means are very limited. either way the feeling of justice arms us with confidence for our cause and power to try, at least, and fix whatever can be fixed.

but what about good people doing bad things?

what if you know that a person’s way of perceiving life is twisted? what if you understand that his morality is a field with loose boundaries? what if you know that corruption is in his everyday life?

and what if you look in his eyes and besides all these you see no evil? you see stupidity. tones of it, yes. but no evil. you see a child looking back at you. an oblivious one, yes, but still a child. who needs the only thing that every person needs. to be loved. how can you not love him?!

and what is your moral duty as a human? to drag him out of the marsh? yes! to lead him in the path of reality and virtue? yes yes!! to save him? yes yes YES!!! and how???

shiiit! how can I? who am I? I myself am full of shit! I am no better! I am not even sure about my moral virtues. I do not have the strength! I don’t want to put myself through this. I have my own problems to deal with! fuck him! imbecility is not an excuse. why should I care after all, he is nothing to me! shit! shit! shiiit!

I am not good enough… not good enough…

please God give me strength and show me the right way. cause if I want to name myself a human, I HAVE to do something… anything…

if I am even a little worth to him, is leaving him an option? is depriving him of my presence an option? maybe this will make him gain consciousness. or is it just the easy way for me not to deal with the problem? just turn my back hoping things will get better… and what does that make me..? a wise one or a coward..?

“open your eyes! look around you! life is precious! YOUR life is precious! don’t waste it! the only thing that matters is love. and the only thing you can do is to love your fellow men and yourself cause that is the only way life is worth living.”

she cat

I feel like the walls are coming down on me but I’m too bored to go for a walk. so since I don’t have the luxury of a porch or a balcony, I compromise with an open window facing some flowerbeds, a building, another building, some more buildings, oh! and there, there, up, a little piece of night sky. standing with a glass of wine and one million thoughts bursting in my mind. and here she comes. it’s the third time this month. she comes and stands right under my window meowing ballsy.

- what? what is it?

- meow!

- what do you want?

- meow!!!

- ok! ok! wait… here you are.

she eats.

- meowww!!!

- oh! so you like it. here’s some more.

 after she eats the slice of turkey, she licks her paws and cleans her face. she then lies down.

- ok, now you are happy!

- meooow.

she lies there looking at me, watching around, then looking back at me. that look in her eyes… hmmm… yes… yes! I’m pretty sure now. I know her! and she knows me. the smell of the grass. the hot summer breeze. the sun beams passing through the tree leaves. yes! now I remember! I met her last July in Cherry Tree Wood! I was there wondering – waiting for an illusion that never came. she happened to passing by and sat for a while keeping me company. she was a cat again back then.

- so! how are you? it’s been a while ah.

she meows as I talk to her. and I have lots to tell. about that storm inside my head. people, faces, eyes, mouths talking, me listening, me talking… no, rather imaging what I should have said. the prison. the sun. G. laughing with our stupid jokes. me laughing. oh God I miss her now that she’s far. me walking, trying to become, trying to be. K., anger, sadness. no hope. T., the lines of his face, his eyes, his smile, my heart beating. pain. fear. hope? my mother’s voice, my father’s look. the past. mistakes. blessing. me, same mistakes again, me, wavering. life… life… LIFE!

- what will the future bring? eh? eh cat?

- meow…

the walls the walls are coming down

the here and now is coming round

it will some day let you down

the ships the ships are coming in

the great ideas are wearing thin

there is nothing left to do

Fanfarlo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsXhQfIZD2c

http://www.fanfarlo.com/home

http://www.myspace.com/fanfarlo

like stepping on an urchin...

the ace in your arms from baggage and in your feet from climbing up and down the rocks that lead you to the beach. hours and hours of swimming in the sea, walking through pathways full of beautiful surprises, climbing dozens of steps up and up the hill to enjoy the altering sunset light covering the earth, the water, your skin…

it’s that lovely exhaustion you feel after vacations. vacations planned the last moment as an anti - depressing drug… what a nice floating.

sometimes it’s so hard to keep the promises you made to yourself.
sometimes the temptation is so strong and the guilt is so painful… but the pleasure you get from feeling alive makes you realize it was worth it after all.

free hugs...

I was at the city center a couple of weeks ago and that’s what happened... I was walking up the metro station stairs and just right before the exit a man was lying on the floor. a homeless who seemed to be in a coma. a security man was standing next to him talking on his walkie talkie radio, asking for aid. and there, just a few steps away… free hugs! yeeeah! you know, the free hug campaign. half a dozen young boys and girls, holding placards, smiling and offering free hugs to strangers who happened to pass by at the time. lots of people stopped and enjoyed a ‘spontaneous’ moment of ‘sincere’ affection. The hugs are meant to be random acts of kindness - selfless acts performed just to make others feel better. international free hugs day is celebrated on the first Saturday of July. ah! that’s why…

and there, me standing, watching and thinking… damn, there is something wrong with that picture!

ofcourse

a. none of those young people or anyone passing by, was either responsible for the situation the man was, or obliged to do anything. he made his choice in life. and if he was lucky enough to escape death this time no one could help him next time unless he decides to help himself.

or

b. we were all responsible for his shitty life. our choices in some point of our lives could have pushed him, or anyone in his place, in the dark or prevent drag him out in the light. and we were all obliged as human beings, citizens of a civilized society, to take care of him.

choose whatever suits you best. for me the truth lies somewhere in between. bottom line… the one who really needed a hug, an act of kindness to make him feel better, didn’t get it at the time. I only wish he got it eventually.

into the madhouse again…

http://www.kyada.gr/

http://www.ddy.gr/LinkClick.aspx?link=Docs%2Fodigos_ipiresion_koinonikis_ypostiriksis.PDF

http://www.freehugscampaign.org/

full moon

b&w 2

since my last post,

I stepped into a madhouse and inhaled chemicals for the first time in my life. I had my coffee near a murder scene enjoying the sunshine and the lack of guilt. I killed a living creature… I am full of guilt for that. I was publicly humiliated. I had a crush… absolute disaster. I spent time thinking in retrospect and counting my mistakes and flaws one by one. I watched one of the funniest ads ever. I traveled into deep blue eyes whishing for a change I am probably not ready to face. I… , I…, blah blah blah.

oh! I sooo much want to watch a horror movie with good company. company that you can scream with during the frightening scenes and laugh after that, and cover your eyes during the most suspenseful ones, and… blah blah blah again.

well,

here are some more black and white prints of mine. my muse A. of course, some very nice guys I met playing chess by the sea, an abandoned shelter by the sea too and a singer in a rock – metal gig I went.

today begins my class’s 1st photo exhibition. 8 months pasted since I’ve started. 8 very interesting months thanks to all my fellow students and my teacher. photos from the event coming up soon… : )

Salamina

about an hour away from the Athens’ madness and just 15´ from Perama port, I was eating fish and clams, drinking wine, chatting with friends and enjoying the sea view. Salamina. glimpses of the past… children swimming and playing at the sea shore all day long, pilling the sand and catching crabs, counting how many dives on the row can each one do and checking whose skin is more suntanned and pruned. exploring the mysteries of the nearby beach, climbing on the rocks and scratching their knees, digging and picking seashells… facing the seawater trying to understand how this scarred, timorous, weak, hopeless, shallow, stupid, abhorrent person reflects in your place… whaaat?! where did that come from?! the heck with that! I don’t have time.

love too ...

shut up !!!

b&w 1

some of my first black and white prints!

I took the photos, I developed the film, I printed them by myself and although it’s not a high quality work, I am so proud of it! many thanks to my photography teacher George Panos for being so patient with a student suffering from Alzheimer like me. to the beautiful people that posed for being who they are, J., A., D., V. and of course to my diva, my cat T.

T. such a difficult model.
when she sees me she streches and approaches me and follows me everywhere and body-rubs and kneads and purrs and demands to be petted. how can I refuse to my beauty?! after some time we spent loving each other, her caresses are full of bites and scratches… just the way I like it…, I have to start ignoring her so as to stay still and allow me to have her picture taken. taking that furry, wicked cat in my arms is one of the best feelings.

T. such a wonderful creature!